Protecting Them, And Not
by mzmtiger
Summary: And it’s not even something he can make into another rule and drill it into his team’s heads like he has with all the others. Because no matter how hard he tries, and everyone knows he tries damn hard, he can’t protect them from everything. McAbby, Tiva


Just a oneshot that popped into my head about Gibbs that I had to get out. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Not mine in the sense that it belongs to someone else.

He doesn't officially decide it until after Jenny's death. He had really just assumed it would be this way from the time he'd been put in charge of his own team until he saw Jenny's body.

And it's not even something he can make into another rule and drill it into his team's heads like he has with all the others. Because no matter how hard he tries, and everyone knows he tries damn hard, he can't protect them from everything.

He can't protect McGee from Tony's jokes that hit just a little too close to home at times, and he can see the hurt in the younger agent's eyes as he tries to laugh it off. He knows that McGee knows he's been accepted by the older agent, but he can still see that some of the jokes and pranks remind him too much of the bullies who had been there when he was a too young high school genius.

And he can't protect him from the heartbreak he can see on his face when Abby smiles at him, and then turns back to her computer. But he can't bring himself to worry about that as much as some of the other things, because he knows that this will work itself out eventually, and he has bigger things to worry about.

He can't protect Ziva from her own memories, can't stop her from remembering all those things drilled into her head by her own father, of all people. Sometimes he can't even control her from reverting back to those instincts that had helped her survive in her home country. He really, really wished he could just tell her that she was safe, that she could forget some of those horrible things she knew how to do, but he can't, no matter how much he promises himself he'll take care of her.

And he can't protect her from the little things of Kate's that she still finds in her desk occasionally, like a sketch that had been tucked away and never found again, or a link from a necklace or such. No matter how she was when she first arrived, he knows she's still worried that they will hate her because she's not Kate, when in fact they love her because she's Ziva.

He can't protect Tony from all the stupid things he does that can get him killed and make him a better agent at the same time. Can't tell him to just do the job and get on with it because he knows that if DiNozzo is anything, he's Italian, and if the Italians are anything, it's passionate. He knows that passion doesn't make someone invincible, knows it in a way that hurts, but sometimes he believes it in Tony's case.

And he can't protect him from the hurt in his green eyes when he's just said good bye to another woman for good, because he knows that it hurts Tony a little bit every time, despite the front he gives. Knows that he goes into to every relationship wondering if this is the one, or if the woman sitting across the bullpen from him is.

He can't protect Abby from the heartbreak that she has every time McGee doesn't catch the signal because he's too busy looking for it. Can't stop her from second-guessing every decision she makes regarding her relationship with her best friend and the man she's fallen in love with. But he trusts that they'll stop being stupid and figure it out eventually.

And he can't protect her from her own striving for perfection, because he knows that this can be a bad thing too. He's seen her almost break when her findings have been questioned or when she can't figure out the puzzle. He sees the same thing in McGee and he hates that he can't protect them from that.

He couldn't protect Kate or Paula. He should have been able to protect them. And now he could add Jen to that list.

People weren't supposed to die before their superior. That was how these things were supposed to work. But he couldn't just press a magic button and make it that way.

So he would do the best to protect them from everything he could, including bullets and bombs and anything personal that he could. And the rest he would trust to his agents. Because above all, Gibbs knew he had trained his team to protect themselves. They won't let each other down, and they won't let him down. Because he's protected them for too long.

And with those thoughts, Gibbs goes back to sanding and listens to the happy laughing of his team upstairs.

A/N: I hope that was in character for Gibbs. Good, bad, interesting? Review and tell me what you think, pretty please!


End file.
